I have seen dozens and dozens of adultery cases. I’ve been involved in so many of these cases, in fact, that I was recently asked to teach a class to other lawyers about how adultery is handled in Virginia, Maryland and D.C. divorces. As the expert panelist at the D.C. Bar Family Law Community’s “Discovering and Dealing with Adultery” seminar, I shared my experiences litigating adultery cases all over the D.C. Metropolitan Area.
How Do You Know if Your Spouse is Cheating
“How do I know if my spouse is cheating?” is perhaps the most common question I receive after disclosing that I’m a divorce lawyer. While I always caveat that there could be legitimate alternative explanations for certain behaviors, here are the top 5 signs your spouse be cheating:
Increased time spent away from home – your spouse needs time to commit adultery. Therefore, if your spouse had a regular practice of coming home from work between 5:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m., but recently has begun regularly coming home much later (without a clear reason), it’s suspicious. Similarly, if your spouse begins spending nights away from the home for nebulous work or social reasons, there may be an issue.
Increased attention to physical appearance and wardrobe – your spouse needs to attract a new romantic partner. Therefore, if your partner is not someone who previously focused on his/her physical appearance or wardrobe, but suddenly starts exercising more often, changing their eating habits and/or buying new or different clothes, it could be a sign they are trying to attract the interests of someone else.
Increased interest in digital privacy – your spouse needs to communicate with his/her new romantic partner. Therefore, if you previously had open access to your partner’s various electronic devices, but he or she has suddenly protected those devices with new passwords, fingerprint ID, or other security measures that render it impossible for you access those devices, perhaps it was done to conceal something from you.
Decreased sexual activity at home – your spouse is less likely to have sex with you if he/she is having sex with someone else. Therefore, while changes in the frequency of sexual activity is normal in any marriage, if you find your partner is unusually disinterested in sex or being intimate with you, with no alternative explanation, it could be a sign he or she is involved physically with someone else.
Unusual spending habits – your spouse may spend money on or with his or her new romantic partner. Therefore, if you notice an unusual increase in spending by your spouse, such as frequent or higher than normal cash withdrawals or having higher than normal credit card bills – without explanation – it could be a sign they are spending that money on someone else or to otherwise fund an affair.
To be clear, there could be other equally plausible explanations for all of the above-referenced behaviors. Your spouse may be working late to earn extra money to purchase a gift for you and may be concealing her phone to preserve the element of surprise! Your spouse might also be working out more and dressing nicer because it makes him feel more confident and he likes the way you look at him when he cleans up.
There are many strategies to working through adultery matters, but when a resolution cannot be reached, my fellow attorneys at Curran Moher Weis are here to make the difficult decision to divorce more bearable and support you through every step. If you find yourself considering divorce, request a consultation with one of our talented Northern Virginia-based attorneys here and you’ll quickly come to see the difference a quality divorce lawyer can make in your matter.